How To Keep a Conversation Going

Everyone in this world has something to learn and this blog of mine I felt was something I learnt when I read couple of books and feel that would be great learning for you all too.

I want you to imagine the following scenario – you are at business network function or at a social network gathering and you meet someone you would like to know them better, could be a potential client or business contact or someone you would like to date. You take turns back and forth, asking questions, telling stories and generally trying to make a good first impression on that person at some point of the conversation though you would be struggling to keep the conversation going and you are not sure what to say next or what to ask next, in the end the conversation dies and it fizzles out as you realize there is nothing left to talk about in a moment. How many of you can relate to what I am saying here…I think we all can and the good news is after reading through this blog you will learn a simple way how to keep a conversation going without constantly trying to figure out what am I going say next or what story am I going to tell him next. It is really easy, all you have to do is ask right kind of questions.

When it comes to conversations, there are usually two kinds of questions – there are closed questions and there are open-ended questions. Closed questions generally prompt people to give concise, short replies, they elicit brief facts from people like yes or no, example of a closed question would be – “Isn’t it beautiful outside today?” – to of which most of you would reply No, as it is very cold these days in US. When I happen to go to social gatherings I use to ask lot of closed questions and what happens when you do that is – it looks like you are interrogating somebody. 

Here is a typical conversation how it looks like when I happen to talk with a lady – 

Hello Miss, how are you today? – Very well, how about you Kamal – I am good.

Have you been in US for a while now? – yep. Really how long have you been? – couple of years.

Well do you like it ? – ya. 

How many of you can see that this conversation can be forgettable at very best? and be honest how many of you feel that you have started a conversation like that in a social gathering or networking or event or a party.

You see closed questions are lot like you are riding a bicycle – when you are riding a bicycle you need two things to move forward – balance and you need forward momentum, and when you ask too many closed questions in a row, you start to slow things down in the conversation and what happens is – it is really difficult to move forward. Closed questions do not give you the push you need to keep things going, in order to do that you need to ask – open ended questions. Now open ended questions generally prompt people to give longer and more thought out answers, they stop and think, it generally elicits opinions, ideas, stories, an example for an open ended question would be – my god it is starting to get too cold lately, what do you guys think about the weather during the Christmas?, could that get you talking for a while. I want to show you how that conversation would be like – if I asked an open ended question.

Hello Miss, how are you? – Very well, how are you Kamal – pretty good.  

So how long have you been attending this course? – I have been coming to this for couple of years and I am really enjoying it. 

What was it about this course that originally attracted you? – Well one of my professors had initially suggested students like me to pursue this course and they have come back with great improvement.

Why do you think that your professor has suggested you to this course? – Well I was initially having some fear and difficulty with the higher level courses but after joining this basic course, I am feeling great and excelling in every other course…

Can you see the difference it is much easier for her to talk to me, as I am giving her more of an opportunity to participate. I always use to feel like conversations are like spinning those merigorounds. When we were kids, we use to go to park and get onto those merigorounds,somebody use to spin it and we hold on to it. Open ended questions are those which give that push which keeps the conversation going.

So far we have talked about closed questions which are lot like riding bicycle and applying brakes, which makes it very difficult to maintain balance and move forward, open ended questions are lot like giving a push on the merigoround to keep things going and one thing we haven’t talked about is why is this subject important to me in the first place. 

Most of you must have felt how this blog would help you out personally, but to me learning this art has helped keep my conversations going and build up in networking. Believe it or not I asked an open ended question to the right person at the right time. When I asked a professor of mine about how to proceed my career ahead, his one line in my conversation with him marked my future, that line was - “Do something in your life that would bring a smile on your face every morning as you wake up and lead your career towards that direction which would make you love the path you chose and not feel as work load” and for sure I decided my mind thats how I chose and always feel happy about day to day life, I am much happier now that I am doing something I love to do. 

You see when you develop to keep a conversation going with someone you automatically develop a relationship with someone, you make friends, you make business acquaintances and by doing these your life becomes much richer. I think by learning these distinctions and applying in your own life you move one step closer to the kind of relationships you want and having the life you most want.

Good luck to you all

Kamal Soan

How to keep your mind cool and improve your intuition

Problems, Stress and Worry...people are always oriented with these words in day to day life. But as Swami Sukhabodhanandhaji says "Worry is like a rocking chair, it does not go anywhere but just sips off your energy", so think about it.


It is always interesting that there so many techniques to solve a problem in this world, but most of us have no idea what is the real mechanism of it, how these techniques work inside our body and outside in this world. For example, there are many techniques to control anger and manage stress like breathing exercises, yoga, sports activities, etc but how about if we can understand the logic behind these techniques and do those activities - isn't it much more interesting and practical to follow, an exciting feeling to do those exercises with much more excitement and enthusiasm. So, one of the things I felt would be good to present today was - how to maintain a cool mind and how it helps you improve gaining knowledge.


We all know that there are several ways to maintain our mind cool, some of them are by doing meditation and yoga, but what if we know the mechanism of how meditation works in our body - isn't this exciting because "Many of us think that they think, but really they are not thinking and most of us who think they know the real cause, really they do not know much about what they think" and this blog of mine is to provide knowledge which most of us have no idea about, as many feel meditation is all related to philosophy and holds no practicality, thats where many of us misinterpret things wrong way.


Recently I listened to these two great spiritual gurus (Swami Sukhabodhanandaji and Swami Bodhanandhaji) explaining about the mechanisms how meditation works in our body, which not only gave me a practical reason and great excitement which fueled me further to do meditation on much regular basis, something which gave a much needed boost, surely thought of spreading the wealth of knowledge I gained which would help others too.


The two basic ways how meditation works are:
a) The first mechanism that happens in our body is - when meditation is done it increases the size of areas related to emotions in our brain (like Hypothalamus) and people who meditate show much difference in the way they handle their emotions and how they respond with other people during stress and anger.


b) The other mechanism that happens in our body is - when meditation is done it increases the level of an excitatory neurotransmitter known as "Dopamine" (released from Hypothalamus) and commonly associated with the reward system, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person. People who meditate are always excited, vibrant and always ready to learn new things, on the contrary side when a person is depressed - Dopamine tablets are given to increase dopamine levels to make the person feel normal.


These ways meditation not only helps us improve intuition but also gain focus and improves our body immune system. So the best way to be in a great shape and maintain life balanced way is to do meditation and yoga to keep our mind cool and improve our intuition power to excel in this beautiful life because life now is very challenging and always tensed, person who keeps his mind cool and takes the wisest decision excels in life, reaching great heights possible, so thats the reason why oftenly we hear in USA is "Chillax dude!!!" (when someone gets excited), so all one needs to do is be calm and cool in mind and work to the best abilities to attain excellence in life.